Strangers Vent about Asian Parenting

by Lucas Chu

cw: mention of suicide, emotional abuse, physical abuse

Many Asian-Americans share a common struggle of being raised differently from their peers. Childhood is the most formative period of a person's life, and few of my online Asian friends wish they could've had a better childhood. The following are quotes directly taken--unchanged-- from online discussion on a venting text channel. The channel was part of a now-deleted Discord messaging server for a community of those applying to college taken from around April 2019. Unlike some toxic spaces where people compare their pain, this conversation felt genuine: that we were sharing, loving, and trying to understand the most intimate and traumatic parts of ourselves through others, despite the fact that we didn’t know each other. 

Raisin:

Fuck my parents are still fighting
I thought leaving for college would’ve made things better
My brother is hiding in the closet rn :((
God my brother doesn’t deserve any of this fucking bullshit
I can’t go back home during breaks I can’t tolerate any of that
I don’t have anything binding me to Charleston anymore
And every reason to leave and never go back
They’re gonna lose both of their sons at this rate

It’s weird I was strangely active with my parents fights and it tore me up inside for most of high school
But he’s so passive
He just lets these floods of emotions hit
“Is our family normal?”
And I don’t know
I know nothing
I thought I was the problem for so long, that if I left nobody had to suffer
Is this just the way my life is? The way my parents’ life is now? My brothers life?
This is why I was straight suicidal at times
And I thought this would end
But it hasn’t ended
God it’d tear me apart to be home rn but at least I’d be there for my brother
I’m tired of this

Tom:

And going to sleep at 8pm, not because I was tired, but because I didn't want to be conscious in that house anymore
Plus hating when school ended for the day, because it meant I had to go home
No one said or did anything for years because my grades were good, but the signs were there and I wish someone had noticed
But if you're a good kid and you're doing well in school, they ignore the flinching and the bruises
senior year might be a bit uncomfortable as you figure out your own interests, but just know that it's okay to change your mind on all of your current aspirations
my parents have said that adolescence does not exist repeatedly
I’m one of 7
Kinda sad to realize that we don't really know each other, we've never really spoken much, some siblings I've said less than 10 words to and we lived under the same roof, all within 4 years of each other in age
We used to just take turns being the punching bag, it's really sad that we all just accepted it and let someone else take the hits because "it was their turn", just being grateful it wasn't you that time
I'll always be pretty ashamed, but sometimes you have to do bad things in order to survive a situation, and you can't blame yourself for being "weak" or "cowardly" when it's really the only choice you have

Henry:

I pity my grandparents, uncle, and aunt
their lives are so pathetic
it pisses me off
as you get older, you learn more about the family drama

Hannah:

my mom keeps complaining about me shutting myself off
"aLWaYs IN your rOOm"
"tHE dOOr CloSeD"

when i was like 4 my mom asked me what i wanted to be and i drew a ballerina and she got hella pissed and was only happy when i drew a doctor
i guess for me i've never directed my anger at myself but always at my parents

my mom's being a dramatic bitch
and acts like a saint
and GOD SHE TREATS EVERYONE SO FUCKING BADLY
my poor siblings
are literally fuck all under 10
and she gives them s o much SHIT
and it’s like BOOHOO I DO SO MUCH I'M NOT OVERREACTING

Edward:

our parents are among the smartest of chinese people
and thats how they made it out
so they see us as a huge investment
it amazes me seeing how different generations can be compared and contrasted
i wanna study that in the future
dang
i would kill to live with a sibling
man
this server got a lot of fucked up shit on it
makes me realize i never really take enough time to appreciate what i have
i don't think it invalidates our own individual struggles though

*The names of the speakers have been changed for privacy.